Nothing but Human

I just got back from a trip to our neighbors to the North with my boyfriend. After the trip I learned a few things:

1. There are absolutely no road signs in Toronto and the ones they do have are of essentially no use.
2. Canadians (or at least those in Toronto) are not nearly as friendly as American stereotypes make them out to be, although I'm sure many are very friendly, given it's a city of about 3 million people. But people definitely do not just approach you to tell you how fabulous and beautiful you are. Trust me, I was trying to telepathically get at least one Canadian to do so. It didn't happen.
3. It's really hard to get past being judgmental of things you're not used to, but once you do, you realize what you've been missing out on.

When I was a kid, I knew I was a New Yorker. What I thought being a "New Yorker" meant when I was young was wearing high heels, walking really forcefully through people, and glaring at virtually everyone. I actually kind of wanted to be hated/feared because that's what I thought it meant to be a "true New Yorker".

Maybe that definition is true for some New Yorkers. But what I've realized a major problem is, is that we all seem to need to define people. A Canadian must be nice, a New Yorker must be jaded, a Californian must be laid back, an Indian must like spicy food, a Jamaican must smoke weed, etc etc.

And although the stereotypes themselves are part of the problem, I think the fact that we need to be defined as something also has some negative effects. I don't like putting labels or definitions on people because it seems more like a limitation than anything else. I don't think there's any real way to rid ourselves of stereotypes until we rid ourselves of definitions. It's the same problem we see with "dash Americans". Once you're Indian-American or African-American or what have you, you create a separation between yourself and other people and you corner yourself into being defined as just that.

Sure, there is also an element of unity through labels. But it's the same element of unity that you see in the grocery store where all the tomato sauces are in one place, all the Hershey's chocolate bars are in one place, and the orange juice is in another place. But the food in the grocery store has nothing to gain by being placed next to un-like things. We do. 

We have so much we can potentially learn about other people's cultures and the way they do things, if we stopped saying that is the "American way" of doing things, or the "Canadian way" or whatever it is. It seems that we are resistant to change because we don't want a new normal. We just want our plain old regular normal. Which is natural, change should make you feel at least slightly uncomfortable. But just because we feel uneasy about something at first does not mean we are incapable of adjusting to it. Humans for our entire existence have been adjusting to change because we have to in order to survive. We adapt and we become more efficient by learning from each other, not by shunning other people's methods and ideas.

When we were in Canada, some Canadians we ran into were surprised to hear we were from the US because we seemed like Canadians because we were friendly and easy to talk to. Which kind of makes you think, how many people in this world think Americans are unapproachable and close minded simply because we're American? A lot, I'm sure. And what other parts of ourselves, what other defining elements make other people assume that we're something when we're not?

Maybe it's just me, but I see no real benefit in telling people my ethnicity or where I'm from. All it does is allow people to create opinions of me before even getting to know me. "She's Indian, she must be stingy with money" or "She's Indian, she must be very smart and good at math" whatever it is you're saying, if you want to form an opinion about me, then why not just ask? All I know is that I'm a citizen of this world and I know that these borders we created have caused nothing but tension. The India-Pakistan border is the most highly patrolled and most tense border in the world. Why? Pakistan used to be part of India. We all used to identify as the same people, maybe not totally peacefully, I acknowledge that. But doesn't it seem a little close minded to draw imaginary lines through the sand because we can't get along? Weren't we taught at some point in like...kindergarten that we have to at least tolerate each other? 

It seems especially today with all that's happening in the world, we pass along through generations reasons to hate a certain people. And it gets to a point, if it hasn't already, where we can't remember why we hate each other, we just know that we do and we find new reasons to hate. It seems to me, that we look for differences more than we look for similarities. And we waste all this energy, human potential, and resources just to generate hate, a useless emotion if you ask me, which really only generates more hate. I know it's not easy to love. Hell, it's not even easy to like a person sometimes. But I think we should at least try to remember a few things:

I'm human. You're human. I feel pain. You feel pain. We both just want to live and breathe and not worry about dying because you hate me or because I hate you.


Maybe it's too much to ask for, in a world where we have the weaponry to blow up the entire Earth five times. But I do believe that years down the line when we're all sick of being defined, marginalized, or killed because of imaginary lines drawn on maps, we'll realize we're nothing more than human. Or maybe the time will come when everyone's backgrounds are so blended and we can't tell who comes from where, maybe it'll be then. I don't know, I can only hope that we are not defined by where we come from or where our parents come from. We are defined by what we do, how we choose to treat each other, and our capacity to tolerate if not love.

Nothing but good vibes and lots of love as always,

Priya

How Hip Hop Has Changed Me

Before I start writing this post, let me start off by saying something because I know the creatures of the Internet like to unnecessarily jump down people's throats: Whatever I write after this paragraph, is how I feel, they're my experiences, and I'm not saying that other types of music can't have the same effect on someone else. I write what I know and I speak on my own behalf, not anyone else's. I also of course understand that what I write is not applicable to every song that falls under the broad category of "rap" and "hip hop," but it is applicable to the rap and hip hop I listen to.

So before I tell you how hip hop has changed me, I suppose it's important for you to know what I was like before this change.

The ages 12-15 in my life were not the best years of my life, which I'm sure many of you can relate to as well. They're the "awkward years," you're in-between just beginning to grow and fully blossoming. But I found these years especially hard because I wasn't just awkward, I didn't understand any part of my identity. I was this first-generation Indian-American who was bad at sports, decent at school, and introverted. I had no clear group of people I belonged with. From what I've experienced there are two kinds of first generation Indians, the ones who are really connected with Indian culture, language, dress, etc. and the ones who are "white washed," who barely associate with anything Indian, and are considered just "American." I was in-between the two really, because I love my culture, but I leaned more towards the latter.

The trouble with being an Indian who isn't really considered Indian, is that you can feel every cultural difference between you and the rest of the world weighing on you. Where do you fit in? Not black. Not white. Not Spanish. Not Indian "enough" to be considered a "true" Indian. As a result, I felt completely isolated. I didn't feel like I could connect on any level with most people.

I listened to a lot of sad music at this time. It was all I listened to really, songs about other people's pain and sadness and how they were so absorbed in it they had to express it in minor chords and depressing lyrics. I took their sadness and made it my own.

Until one day, my brother gave me his old iPod and instead of immediately deleting his music off of it, I scrolled through. I came across some songs and artists I recognized and some I didn't. One song I didn't recognize but I felt inclined to listen to was Erase Me by Kid Cudi featuring Kanye West. Basically, it's just a song about how a girl Kid Cudi is no longer with wishes she could get away from him, but he's everywhere because he's "in the magazines, on your TV..." and basically just super successful and famous. This was the first time I'd heard a break up song from a different perspective. It wasn't about the artist missing someone or crying over that person being gone. This time the artist was the object of affection, he was the one in power, the one who was confident, living his own life.

Something like that could seem insignificant to the casual listener. But to me, at that time, at that point in my life where I surrounded myself in sadness, my ears perked when I listened to it. I dove deeper and deeper into the sounds and lyrics of hip hop and rap. All of the artists I listened to sang about success, they rapped about the struggles of reaching that success, about the people who told them they couldn't make it, about the people who supported them, about celebrating life in its entirety, of being blessed for starting out so low and ending up so big. I couldn't escape all of this positivity, this unwavering faith in one's self regardless of the circumstances.

But even more than that, I came across artists who rapped about being alone, not fitting in with their surroundings or the people around them, but still believing that they themselves were the greatest thing since sliced bread. 

Big Sean raps, "You write your name in sharpie, I write mine in stone. I knew the world was for the taking and wouldn't take long."

Kanye West raps, "Ya'll don't know my struggle. Ya'll can't match my hustle. You can't catch my hustle. You can't fathom my love dude."

J. Cole raps, "We don't look nothing like the people on the screen...but we got dreams and we got the right to chase 'em."

And so on and so forth. It was such a shift in perspective for me. These guys rap about the hard times in their life like it was a necessary step to move forward. The music I used to listen to talked about the hard times in life as if it was defeating them. As if they were hit with bad luck over and over again.

Further than the lyrics to the song, the way this music makes you want to move is unlike any other. Most rap music isn't very "dance-y" per se, but the body language is so dominating, so powerful. In so many rap videos, rappers are raising their arms up, legs wide apart, the "boss" stance. These guys (and ladies!) don't just rap about being successful. They embody their image of success, they paint the scene of lavish lifestyles, and lives that were unlike the ones they had before things got better.

When I listen to this music and I see these artists live in concert, I'm on another level. I'm consumed by self-love, power, confidence. I'm not Priya from Small Town, NY. I'm Priya from Small Town, NY who is going somewhere, who is constantly moving forward, whose sadness isn't perpetual but is just part of the process of becoming great. 

Some of you may be saying, "Ok... but what in the world does that have to do with anything you said in the beginning about your identity?" Fair enough, I can answer that. Before I had this paradigm shift, so to speak, every part of me that was different from the people around me felt like something that was wrong. But when I listen to rap, they never talk about the part about themselves that held them back initially as a bad thing. On the contrary, it's something to capitalize on. Kanye West rapped, "I'm trying to right my wrongs, but it's funny them same wrongs helped me write this song." 

It didn't bother me any more that I didn't fit in to any one group because that meant I couldn't be defined by one group. I'm glad for that now. As a result of "not fitting in" in any one place, I fit in everywhere. The hardship of not knowing who I am wasn't a perpetual hardship like I thought it would be, it was just a step towards finding my strengths and learning how to capitalize on those weaknesses.

So yes, people can go on bashing rap and hip hop for being tasteless and vulgar or whatever else people who don't give rap a chance say. But let me tell you, The Beatles never made me feel as alive as Kanye West does. So say what you want, but I'm grateful there are people out there who are willing to make music based off their own cockiness and ego because in turn it made me realize there are things about myself that I can be cocky and have an ego about, shamelessly.

Who knew? You can find love for yourself in the most unlikely of places. I'm grateful for that and I continue to search for anything and everything that can make me the way rap makes me feel.

I wish you all the most beautiful and blessed week!

Good vibes,

Priya

*Bonus* Here's some of the music I used to listen to. I'm not trying to imply in any way that it's bad or that people who listen to it are wrong. It just wasn't the right music for me.

Three Days Grace - Pain
Scary Kids Scaring Kids - The Bright Side of Suffering

Getting Better and Moving Forward

Hey everyone! So first off, I'm sorry my posts have been so inconsistent! I can't even believe how fast time has been flying by without me even noticing. Between finishing my first year of college and now I've been busy with my trip to St. Maarten, Governor's Ball, what felt like a very long job search, and now I've just started my new job so things have been hectic. But I like things to be hectic, because a Priya in motion tends to stay in motion, whereas a Priya at rest will stay at rest and keep resting until it's noon and then she has to get up and pretend she's a real person who like, does things.

But back to my new job, I'm really enjoying it thus far and it's given me this really amazing opportunity to learn things I probably wouldn't have learned otherwise. So yesterday, the company I work for hosted a conference where the top executives and sales reps and just really amazing successful people gave some talks.

One really great part (among many many great parts) was when the Six Rules of Engagement were spoken about. So what the Six Rules are supposed to help you with is any relationship or goal you have. The speaker said that if you're feeling off in your personal/professional relationships or feeling off track with your goals, it's probably because you're not following one or more of these rules. I don't know if any of you have heard of these rules, but if you haven't, then you're in the right place!

The Six Rules of Total Engagement

1. Believe the future can be brighter than the past
   I personally love this rule. I know I'm not the only one who can cling on to the past from time to time and believe that those were the best times. But then, you realize at one point in the past you didn't think life could get any better and then it did. There's this vicious cycle where we think nothing will be as good as X event in our life, and we doubt and we worry, but then something happens and it's amazing and wonderful and then we can't imagine it getting better, and so on and so forth. So if we just eliminate the doubt and the worry and all the other negative emotions we feel towards the future and we truly believe in our abilities, then we can more easily understand that our future can and will be brighter than the past. Just remember, there's so much to look forward to, life only stops when you do.
   
2. Believe you can influence that future
   
   Life doesn't just happen. Everything in your life is a consequence of your actions. Take responsibility for your failures as often as you take responsibility for your accomplishments. If you acknowledge that you got this far because of you and your actions then you can acknowledge that your future is not some destination to be reached. It's something you mold and form like clay. So if you want to sit idly by and pretend you have no control over your future, expect to get what you started with, a lump of clay. But if you want to take action and you want to learn and do things that you feel are right for you, then expect to see something beautiful, but not just anything beautiful, something beautiful that you created.
   
3. Have 4th level energy
   
   Basically, there are 4 levels of energy that human are capable of. I'm no expert at what they exactly are but here's the vague idea: First level energy is lethargy and misery, second level energy is being annoyed and bothered, third level energy is contentedness, and fourth level energy is excitement and invigoration. I'm sure you've met people with each of these levels of energy. You've probably noticed that you feed off it and that their lives also seem to match this energy. So the people who you always see smiling and always seem excited are the people who are telling you about all of the amazing things that are going on and you just feel excited for them. Then you meet the people who are just plain miserable. And it's not just them, but their computer just broke, they always wish the day would "just be over," and life seems to be a never-ending crap storm for them. By having 4th level energy, you not only change your attitude, but you change your perception of the world around you. The rain isn't a bad forecast for these people because they've just been meaning to stay in and catch up on a book. A stain on their clothes before they've arrived to work isn't the end of the world, but just a funny story on how crazy of a morning they had. Nothing is so bad that these 4th level energy people can't turn it around. Admit it, you admire those people but are also secretly envious of them too. Simple solution: BE one of them!
   
4. Have the ability to delay gratification
   
   We all want results and we want them now. Liiiiike right now. But as we've all come to know, nothing happens immediately. This one's easier said than done, but we have to accept that time is a concept that humans have instituted and now have to deal with. We have to wait sometimes to see the results we work hard for. Maybe we feel like we deserve them now, but just because things don't happen when we expect them to, doesn't mean that they won't ever happen. It'll happen. Just learn to accept that there's a process to getting there and unfortunately none of us (to my knowledge) are psychics and can predict exactly when things will happen. Whatever steps you're taking to reach your goal, keep taking them. Even if it takes 10 years longer than you expected to reach your goal, at least you'll have reached it, which is arguably way more rewarding than saying, "Yeah I tried that once and decided to quit before anything could happen for me."
   
5. Become a "make it happen" person
   
   Shout out to NR and Dr. Gill because when I heard this, that's all I could think of. It was great advice in high school and it's great advice now. If you want something, then you make it happen. Unfortunately, we're not each assigned a person at birth who is designated to help make our lives easier for us. So if you don't do it yourself, don't expect it to happen at all. Simple as that. Good things don't "come" to anyone. Good things are obtained by people who go out and get it themselves.
   
6. Know how to keep yourself inspired
   
   This one is so important, in my opinion. Once you've lost your inspiration, it's hard to remember why you should keep going. But honestly, it's not like inspiration is too hard to come by. With the Internet and information being so accessible, it's not hard to find people who have already done the thing you want to do. Or, if you're like me, you find inspiration in music, song lyrics, energetic videos, things of that nature. It doesn't even have to be relevant to my goal, it just gets me excited for whatever I'm doing which is what I need from time to time. Here's a few songs/videos that basically just get my hyped:

Kanye West & Jay-Z - Who Gon Stop Me

Kanye West - Can't Tell Me Nothin

Kanye West - Champion

FIFA I Believe That We Will Win

Rudy Francisco - Complainers

**I would apologize for all the songs being Kanye West, but let's be real, I'm still me and I won't apologize for being me (and having great taste in music) hehe

But really, these are just songs that I know make me want to conquer the world, they're just there in case you need a little inspiration to find your inspiration ;)

I hope this post was helpful. No matter what you want to do, who you want to be, where you want to go, try to apply these things into your life. In my opinion, no matter who you are, these are all helpful. They're not especially hard to do and I believe that they each have the power to change who you are.

Good vibes and lots of love y'all,

Priya