Last post in September, say what?!
September was a whirlwind and I am grateful for every second of it. This was the first month I lived in New York City where I really got to immerse myself in it. I have met so many wonderful people this month that I think my heart is actually overflowing, so I'm letting it spill out of my fingertips and onto this blog post. So I want to take the time to thank all the lovely people who have made my days infinitely better just by the small things they've said and done. Whether I've known you for a day or for a lifetime or anywhere inbetween, I'm thankful for the small things you've done.
Thank you to the little old woman on the subway today who told me that no outfit is complete without a smile. Thank you for telling me cheesy jokes and brightening up an otherwise dull Tuesday morning. You prove that not everyone on the subway is a creature from the black lagoon.
Thank you to my pseudo-big brother, Alex, for listening to me complain about boys even after giving me advice and telling me exactly what would happen if I did/said the stupid thing. And thank you for telling me that I was out of their league and that I would be over them in 2 weeks tops, you were right, as always. And thank you for being honest with me about things I would rather you lie about.
Thank you to my real big brother, Chris, for letting me be in your apartment pretty much every weekend and thank you for always feeding me breakfast. And thank you for finally watching Breaking Bad, I toooold you it rocks! Thank you for also for helping to keep me in check and helping make the future feel not so intimidating.
Thank you to the friends who I may not have spoken to in months but still text me to ask for my life-updates and give me theirs. Thank you also for replying when I randomly text you with the silliest things like pictures from Timehop or tweets that remind me of you.
Thank you to my best friend, Amber, who I know is super busy taking over the world at Cornell but still makes the time to read my blog posts and never fails to comment on them. Thank you for convincing me I can do anything, for making me think about what we did in fifth grade and what I want to do when I'm 50. Thank you for understanding my hatred for very insignificant things and for always backing me up.
Thank you to my other best friend, Jaylin, who always has something clever and funny to say. Thank you for listening to my petty complaints and thank you for also being petty with me. Thank you for letting me indulge and say dumb things and going on adventures with me.
Thank you to my mom who saw me with my hair in a bun, sitting in a bathrobe on the couch and said to me, "You look beautiful!" I know it's a mom's job to say those kinds of things, but my mom actually makes you feel beautiful in a bathrobe. Thank you for feeding me delicious food always and making sure that my stomach is always full to the brim.
Thank you to my sister, for making me feel included in her life. Thank you for sending pictures of the weird boys who try to talk to you and thank you for listening to me talk about the boys in my life. Even though you may not support all my decisions.
Thank you to my cousin, Shaina, who listens but does not judge. Thank you for giving me valuable advice and treating me not as baby Priya any more. Thank you also for supporting my weird taste in clothes. Thank you for Korean BBQ and sitting in your kitchen and thank you for always making me laugh. -- *Throws arms up* "Just Verner!"
Thank you to my dad, for always supporting me. Thank you for instilling in me from the day I was born that I could do anything I set my mind to. Thank you for teaching me that a person can choose to either be happy or miserable. Thank you for pizza and rides to the city, thank you for putting up with me when I don't really deserve to be put up with.
Thank you to Ali, Sonam, and Marat for inviting me to go to yoga with you guys. Thank you guys for being so open and friendly. Thank you Sonam for randomly talking to me at that KPMG event and introducing me to the people you knew and just being one of the friendliest people I've met. You guys made that terribly intense yoga class much more fun with your yoga breaths and the Starbucks afterwards. Thank you to the Starbucks guy for spelling Ali's name "Allie" and for Marat telling the Starbucks guy his name was Tom because that was just hilarious.
Thank you to the boy who I had a really strong connection with, for making me realize that there are people out there who are so similar to me and that there are likely more people out there like you but even better.
Thank you Emily for exchanging memes, really deep talks, room decor pictures, pictures of cats, screenshots of people/things we mutually dislike. Thank you for letting me talk to you about literally anything and for not being judgmental. Thank you for being understanding and sensitive with me and then being judgmental and totally harsh at all the right times directed at all the right people. Also thank you for condoning my obsessive love for Kanye with links and pictures.
Thank you Rehan for always accompanying me to Accounting Society events, even if we mostly go just for the food. Thank you for lunches together and walking around aimlessly during club hours. And thank you for not judging my obsession with the Simpsons Game and even better, thank you for becoming obsessed too.
And lastly, thank you to everyone who reads my posts. There are hundreds more people I could probably thank and I'm not forgetting you. Seriously, there's no way I could. So many people have given me reasons to stay positive, to spread love as they've give it to me, to know that life is really a wonderful blessing. I could not be more grateful for the kind people in my life and everything they contribute, for all the laughs they've given me, and all the times I'm sure we'll share in the future. You guys rock and you deserve a high-five and a hug everyday. But since my arms would get mighty tired from that, I hope this blog post will do!
Lots of love and good vibes as always,
Priya
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Saturday, September 27, 2014
The Daunting Task: Passing Time
So in my last post, I mentioned my break up and how time has been the most difficult thing for me. It's a difficult thing for me to confront head-on. It seems kind of silly that the only body I've known my whole life, the only body that has been there to comfort me, to take care of me, to get me from point A to point B, the body that is mine, is the last body I wanted to spend time with.
I like people, that is undeniable. But it's gotten to a point, and to be honest, I'm still at the point where I've been seeking refuge in other people. I've been trying to make homes out of people who proved to be very temporary shelter. It's as though this past month has been a storm of my own anxiety and stress and insecurities. If I was by myself I could not get away from these thoughts.
It's hard confronting yourself. It's hard to listen to your thoughts and accept them for what they are, whether they're petty thoughts, self-destructive, egotistical, or haunting. But I'm doing my best to be entirely one with myself.
We've romanticized the thought that each of us is one half of a whole, that someone is out there to complete us. It's not an easy ideology to tear away from because it's beautiful and honestly it gives us hope that this is not all there is. That we do not have to just live with this one being that we've grown so tired of seeing everyday.
I love the thought that there are people out there "for me." But I know I am not incomplete. Perhaps initially, I thought so. But the time I've spent with myself that has been so daunting, has also been a huge opportunity for growth. There were two options, to continue being half a person or to become whole.
Last year when I was at UConn and I was facing this same challenge, time by myself, I bought myself a notebook and a card. The notebook to write in of course, and the card to remind me with its important message, "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." which is among the most comforting things I've read.
It's nice to know that these thoughts that are mine, the Priya I am not content with, is not who I am forever. I am a constantly changing entity who has the full power to be whoever she pleases to be. Maybe it's a little scary to create yourself, to have to make the conscious decision to be something, rather than letting time and destiny take its course. But I know that if I wake up tomorrow and I feel uncomfortable in my skin or in my mind, that I am not the person I was the day before and I have the ability to change.
It's proving to be a difficult journey to where I want to be, and I'm sure that once I get to where I want to be as of today, I will still not stop going because I know life is about progression. Sometimes slow agonizing progression and sometimes effortless and easy progression. I know that each day I am coming more into myself, that I need to take time to grow more content with the one person who's always been looking out for me, and I know that I do not know how I am getting there. I just know that I am taking each day one at a time and I'm doing my best to not let my thoughts overpower me, but to not totally dismiss them either.
I hope that any of you that are right there with me, trying to be still and strong when hours do not seem to be passing, know that time is nothing but a man-made idea, but you are something material and that if you keep moving and going the places you want to go, inevitably time will pass too. Remember that we are not a rock sitting in the middle of a river, worn down over time. You can affect your universe more than it affects you. I need to remember that too.
Sendin' good vibes and lots of strength to y'all,
Priya
I like people, that is undeniable. But it's gotten to a point, and to be honest, I'm still at the point where I've been seeking refuge in other people. I've been trying to make homes out of people who proved to be very temporary shelter. It's as though this past month has been a storm of my own anxiety and stress and insecurities. If I was by myself I could not get away from these thoughts.
It's hard confronting yourself. It's hard to listen to your thoughts and accept them for what they are, whether they're petty thoughts, self-destructive, egotistical, or haunting. But I'm doing my best to be entirely one with myself.
We've romanticized the thought that each of us is one half of a whole, that someone is out there to complete us. It's not an easy ideology to tear away from because it's beautiful and honestly it gives us hope that this is not all there is. That we do not have to just live with this one being that we've grown so tired of seeing everyday.
I love the thought that there are people out there "for me." But I know I am not incomplete. Perhaps initially, I thought so. But the time I've spent with myself that has been so daunting, has also been a huge opportunity for growth. There were two options, to continue being half a person or to become whole.
Last year when I was at UConn and I was facing this same challenge, time by myself, I bought myself a notebook and a card. The notebook to write in of course, and the card to remind me with its important message, "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." which is among the most comforting things I've read.
It's nice to know that these thoughts that are mine, the Priya I am not content with, is not who I am forever. I am a constantly changing entity who has the full power to be whoever she pleases to be. Maybe it's a little scary to create yourself, to have to make the conscious decision to be something, rather than letting time and destiny take its course. But I know that if I wake up tomorrow and I feel uncomfortable in my skin or in my mind, that I am not the person I was the day before and I have the ability to change.
It's proving to be a difficult journey to where I want to be, and I'm sure that once I get to where I want to be as of today, I will still not stop going because I know life is about progression. Sometimes slow agonizing progression and sometimes effortless and easy progression. I know that each day I am coming more into myself, that I need to take time to grow more content with the one person who's always been looking out for me, and I know that I do not know how I am getting there. I just know that I am taking each day one at a time and I'm doing my best to not let my thoughts overpower me, but to not totally dismiss them either.
I hope that any of you that are right there with me, trying to be still and strong when hours do not seem to be passing, know that time is nothing but a man-made idea, but you are something material and that if you keep moving and going the places you want to go, inevitably time will pass too. Remember that we are not a rock sitting in the middle of a river, worn down over time. You can affect your universe more than it affects you. I need to remember that too.
Sendin' good vibes and lots of strength to y'all,
Priya
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Staying Soft as Water
"All the hardest, coldest people you meet were once soft as water. And that's the tragedy of living."
This past month may have been the longest month of my life. A month ago I went through one of my biggest life shifts, my first break up. After being in a year and a half commitment, the biggest, most looming threat was time. For a year and a half, I was a unit, one half of a whole, so time was not so much "mine" as it was "ours." So this past month, I've had a lot of time to just be by myself and understand who I am when it's Sunday night and every little thing starts sitting on my skin and finds a dwelling place in my mind. Normally, I could unload and know that another person would be there to share the burden.
Through all this time, however, I've had the chance to learn a lot about myself. What I've learned is that I'm soft as water. I believe so much in everyone and that they want to be good as much as I do. Well, not everyone. But, I place a lot of trust in people, I don't want to believe in ulterior motives, acting on wicked thoughts, or anything of the sort. I want to believe that everyone who is cold and hard has the ability to go back to being soft as water.
This past month, I've done things and told people things without hesitation because I thought that being genuine would create the same effect in other people. Be honest with others and they'll be honest with you. I know it sounds childish, that people take advantage of other people's weakness when they show them, that not everyone is inherently good. But it's much easier to believe in the good in people. Isn't it sad that we need to read into what people say, that everyone has developed their own language? You say one thing, but what you mean is entirely different and it's so exhausting to even know what anyone is saying any more. I just want to believe the words you say when you say them.
I tweeted the other week that I didn't understand the mentality of "The problem is you're too nice" because isn't the actual problem that other people aren't nice? I still believe this. I still think the problem is that other people encourage you to harden when they should be encouraging other people to soften. But I'm coming to understand the mentality more. I'm told fairly often that I'm too nice or that I can be naive and too hopeful, and besides being naive, none of those things sounded bad to me. I like being hopeful for the future and I like being nice, but life and the people I've been meeting have been making this increasingly difficult.
I don't want to harden. I don't want to be jaded. I feel like I'm pleading with the universe to be kind to me. I barter with God, if I'm good to other people, please let them be good to me. I don't think I'm easily defeated, though I'm easily hurt. I guess that's the consequence of being a soft person, you're constantly in the position of being hurt by those you love or want to believe in. Despite it all, I do not regret staying soft. I know that people are going to hurt me and they're going to try and take advantage of me because I'm willing to be open, but that does not mean they can conquer me or steal my spirit. I know being soft has a lot of negative connotations and people even use it as an insult. But just because you're soft, does not mean you are not strong. I actually think it shows incredible strength to be able to stay kind even though the world has given you infinite reason to be wicked.
Accept the hurt and the risks of being a soft person, but do not misconstrue yourself as a weak person. We need more soft-hearted people in this world. The problem is not that you are too nice, the problem is that we as a whole are so scared of facing pain that we become the kind of people who inflict it rather than accepting it as a part of life. Be a kind person, show other people that resilience is a much more admirable trait than being reactionary.
Good vibes as always,
Priya
This past month may have been the longest month of my life. A month ago I went through one of my biggest life shifts, my first break up. After being in a year and a half commitment, the biggest, most looming threat was time. For a year and a half, I was a unit, one half of a whole, so time was not so much "mine" as it was "ours." So this past month, I've had a lot of time to just be by myself and understand who I am when it's Sunday night and every little thing starts sitting on my skin and finds a dwelling place in my mind. Normally, I could unload and know that another person would be there to share the burden.
Through all this time, however, I've had the chance to learn a lot about myself. What I've learned is that I'm soft as water. I believe so much in everyone and that they want to be good as much as I do. Well, not everyone. But, I place a lot of trust in people, I don't want to believe in ulterior motives, acting on wicked thoughts, or anything of the sort. I want to believe that everyone who is cold and hard has the ability to go back to being soft as water.
This past month, I've done things and told people things without hesitation because I thought that being genuine would create the same effect in other people. Be honest with others and they'll be honest with you. I know it sounds childish, that people take advantage of other people's weakness when they show them, that not everyone is inherently good. But it's much easier to believe in the good in people. Isn't it sad that we need to read into what people say, that everyone has developed their own language? You say one thing, but what you mean is entirely different and it's so exhausting to even know what anyone is saying any more. I just want to believe the words you say when you say them.
I tweeted the other week that I didn't understand the mentality of "The problem is you're too nice" because isn't the actual problem that other people aren't nice? I still believe this. I still think the problem is that other people encourage you to harden when they should be encouraging other people to soften. But I'm coming to understand the mentality more. I'm told fairly often that I'm too nice or that I can be naive and too hopeful, and besides being naive, none of those things sounded bad to me. I like being hopeful for the future and I like being nice, but life and the people I've been meeting have been making this increasingly difficult.
I don't want to harden. I don't want to be jaded. I feel like I'm pleading with the universe to be kind to me. I barter with God, if I'm good to other people, please let them be good to me. I don't think I'm easily defeated, though I'm easily hurt. I guess that's the consequence of being a soft person, you're constantly in the position of being hurt by those you love or want to believe in. Despite it all, I do not regret staying soft. I know that people are going to hurt me and they're going to try and take advantage of me because I'm willing to be open, but that does not mean they can conquer me or steal my spirit. I know being soft has a lot of negative connotations and people even use it as an insult. But just because you're soft, does not mean you are not strong. I actually think it shows incredible strength to be able to stay kind even though the world has given you infinite reason to be wicked.
Accept the hurt and the risks of being a soft person, but do not misconstrue yourself as a weak person. We need more soft-hearted people in this world. The problem is not that you are too nice, the problem is that we as a whole are so scared of facing pain that we become the kind of people who inflict it rather than accepting it as a part of life. Be a kind person, show other people that resilience is a much more admirable trait than being reactionary.
Good vibes as always,
Priya
Thursday, September 4, 2014
The People Who Click
I'm trying really hard everyday to understand how the people in this world work and think. Everyday, I am blown away by the fact that I clearly know nothing about the way people's minds work.
I believe whole heartedly in sticking with the people who click, because for me, I don't connect with many people. Not a lot of people understand my unwaivering faith in humanity, not many people understand how I can go from Jack Johnson to Kanye West, not many people understand my complexities. But when I meet the people that do, I do my best to keep them in my life.
Now that's not to say that the people who don't "get me" get the boot. Not so at all, I love the people who question me just as much. But there's something so special, so unique about the people who don't ask you a million times why you do something or how you're able to think or act a certain way. You don't find those kinds of people very often, in my experience. How often is it that you find someone in this big world of 7,000,000,000+ people? It's not often. They don't just show up out of nowhere, ring your doorbell and say "Hi! I'm the person who's going to make everything feel easy."
We're lucky to find these kinds of people. But if we pass them up, if we let them go, if they choose to let us go, what do we do?
I believe in soul mates. I don't mean that I think that there's only one person out there for you. I actually believe quite the opposite, I think there's multiple people out there for each of us. I think that these people have different levels on which they connect with us. Your best friend could be your soul mate in a completely platonic way. I'm grateful to say that my best friend is my soul mate. She connects with me on every level, she gets what I'm trying to say even if my words are broken and even if she disagrees with me. She opens my mind and soul up to new ideas and she makes it easy for me to say the things I find difficult to say to most people. (That's my best friend Amber, y'all, if you don't know now ya know :) )
But I also believe in other kinds of soul mates. The people you could see yourself with connecting on a romantic level with but also on a spiritual or emotional or even an intellectual level. And even if there is a romantic connection at first that doesn't stay or maybe wasn't sincere to begin with, I believe those other levels of connection are real and should not be so easily broken. I don't think we have the pleasure of knowing enough people that we truly click with. I love all my friends and I appreciate everything they bring to my life. I love when they challenge me and question me and even make me feel like a jackass sometimes, because well... I'm a jackass sometimes.
But, if you meet someone who you can have a genuinely amazing relationship (platonic or romantic or what have you) with, who makes you feel like the things you say are not bogus or crazy, then I think we should do our best to keep those people in our lives. We need those people who make us feel like we're sane when we're saying our wildest and craziest thoughts. Those people who make you feel high off of the adrenaline of simply being understood. If you come across these kinds of people, don't throw them away. We're not all so lucky to meet them very often.
Good vibes as always and forever my lovely readers,
Priya
I believe whole heartedly in sticking with the people who click, because for me, I don't connect with many people. Not a lot of people understand my unwaivering faith in humanity, not many people understand how I can go from Jack Johnson to Kanye West, not many people understand my complexities. But when I meet the people that do, I do my best to keep them in my life.
Now that's not to say that the people who don't "get me" get the boot. Not so at all, I love the people who question me just as much. But there's something so special, so unique about the people who don't ask you a million times why you do something or how you're able to think or act a certain way. You don't find those kinds of people very often, in my experience. How often is it that you find someone in this big world of 7,000,000,000+ people? It's not often. They don't just show up out of nowhere, ring your doorbell and say "Hi! I'm the person who's going to make everything feel easy."
We're lucky to find these kinds of people. But if we pass them up, if we let them go, if they choose to let us go, what do we do?
I believe in soul mates. I don't mean that I think that there's only one person out there for you. I actually believe quite the opposite, I think there's multiple people out there for each of us. I think that these people have different levels on which they connect with us. Your best friend could be your soul mate in a completely platonic way. I'm grateful to say that my best friend is my soul mate. She connects with me on every level, she gets what I'm trying to say even if my words are broken and even if she disagrees with me. She opens my mind and soul up to new ideas and she makes it easy for me to say the things I find difficult to say to most people. (That's my best friend Amber, y'all, if you don't know now ya know :) )
But I also believe in other kinds of soul mates. The people you could see yourself with connecting on a romantic level with but also on a spiritual or emotional or even an intellectual level. And even if there is a romantic connection at first that doesn't stay or maybe wasn't sincere to begin with, I believe those other levels of connection are real and should not be so easily broken. I don't think we have the pleasure of knowing enough people that we truly click with. I love all my friends and I appreciate everything they bring to my life. I love when they challenge me and question me and even make me feel like a jackass sometimes, because well... I'm a jackass sometimes.
But, if you meet someone who you can have a genuinely amazing relationship (platonic or romantic or what have you) with, who makes you feel like the things you say are not bogus or crazy, then I think we should do our best to keep those people in our lives. We need those people who make us feel like we're sane when we're saying our wildest and craziest thoughts. Those people who make you feel high off of the adrenaline of simply being understood. If you come across these kinds of people, don't throw them away. We're not all so lucky to meet them very often.
Good vibes as always and forever my lovely readers,
Priya
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