“Buddhism teaches that joy and happiness arise from letting go. Please sit down and take an inventory of your life. There are things you’ve been hanging on to that really are not useful and deprive you of your freedom. Find the courage to let them go.”
When I first read this quote, I just thought it was beautiful. But upon reading it again after thinking some very negative thoughts about myself/having a not-so-great day, it really spoke to me. I know everyone has their off days/weeks but for some reason I've just been in a really bad head space. Whenever I'm usually in this bad place, I do my best to turn it around. I combat the negative thoughts with positive ones. I think about the things I'm grateful for, the things/people that I love, what I love about myself, so on.
But for some reason these negative thoughts kept coming back to me, so I'm here to let them go. I know it kind of seems insincere to post them on the Internet, but it really does help me. If I write it down and keep it private then it's still technically with me and that does nothing for me. So I'm releasing them into the wilderness of the Internet.
Here's my inventory:
I've harbored a lot of negativity because I've lost three best friends over the course of my life. And when I say best friends I mean people who were huge parts of my life, people who I thought would one day be my bridesmaids. But they just left. I've asked myself time and time again why I can't maintain a friendship worth a damn and I've picked myself apart trying to find the answer. I feel like I've lost three huge parts of myself. Parts that I thought would be with me until I was old and grey. But they're not any more. It's taken me a lot of time to come to terms with this fact, but I guess I finally have, so I'm letting them go.
When I was around the age of 10-13, I was not very fond of myself. I criticized and berated myself and told myself that I was not good enough. I could not accept the fact that I was not effortlessly beautiful or effortlessly talented or effortlessly anything. I was mad that nothing came naturally to me and that even when I tried my hardest, I still came up short. Unfortunately enough, thoughts from the ages of 10-13 don't always stay there. They travel with you and haunt you until it's years later and those thoughts make their way to the forefront of your brain again. But I think enough years have passed. So I'm letting go of the fact that sometimes my best isn't the best. I'm letting go of any negative feelings about myself. If it's not a constructive criticism, then it's just destructive and I am not made to be destroyed or hated, especially by myself.
The last thing I'm letting go of is comparing myself to other people. Growing up as the baby of the family, there were a lot of expectations placed on me that I never agreed to. But eventually, that competitive nature became a part of me and it has hindered me ever since. It's difficult for me to understand sometimes that life is not a competition and that if someone does better than me, that is not an indication of my worth, but of theirs. I struggle with being happy for other people when they do better than me and I know that's a horrible selfish thing to say, but it's also completely human. But I don't want to feel like everyday of my life is some race that I have to win the gold medal in. Some people are really good at things that I'm not and some people also work really hard to get what they have and I have to remember that. So I'm letting go of valuing my worth based on other people's successes and failures. My worth is entirely based on what I do and what I contribute to the world.
*Phew* If you stuck with me through that, then kudos to you because I know it was mentally exhausting just for me to write. I guess this post was more so for myself and my self-healing. But, I hope anyone who reads this does the same. Take an inventory of your life and get rid of the stuff you don't need. As cheesy as it may sound I feel 100 pounds lighter after coming to terms with those things and just releasing them from my thoughts. So if you guys feel like you're also in a bad head space or you're holding onto something, write it down, or draw it, or scream it out of your window, just get it out there so that it's not taking up space in that lovely mind of yours.
Sendin' you guys all my postive vibes and thoughts
Priya
No comments:
Post a Comment