Staying Soft as Water

"All the hardest, coldest people you meet were once soft as water. And that's the tragedy of living."

This past month may have been the longest month of my life. A month ago I went through one of my biggest life shifts, my first break up. After being in a year and a half commitment, the biggest, most looming threat was time. For a year and a half, I was a unit, one half of a whole, so time was not so much "mine" as it was "ours." So this past month, I've had a lot of time to just be by myself and understand who I am when it's Sunday night and every little thing starts sitting on my skin and finds a dwelling place in my mind. Normally, I could unload and know that another person would be there to share the burden.

Through all this time, however, I've had the chance to learn a lot about myself. What I've learned is that I'm soft as water. I believe so much in everyone and that they want to be good as much as I do. Well, not everyone. But, I place a lot of trust in people, I don't want to believe in ulterior motives, acting on wicked thoughts, or anything of the sort. I want to believe that everyone who is cold and hard has the ability to go back to being soft as water.

This past month, I've done things and told people things without hesitation because I thought that being genuine would create the same effect in other people. Be honest with others and they'll be honest with you. I know it sounds childish, that people take advantage of other people's weakness when they show them, that not everyone is inherently good. But it's much easier to believe in the good in people. Isn't it sad that we need to read into what people say, that everyone has developed their own language? You say one thing, but what you mean is entirely different and it's so exhausting to even know what anyone is saying any more. I just want to believe the words you say when you say them. 

I tweeted the other week that I didn't understand the mentality of "The problem is you're too nice" because isn't the actual problem that other people aren't nice? I still believe this. I still think the problem is that other people encourage you to harden when they should be encouraging other people to soften. But I'm coming to understand the mentality more. I'm told fairly often that I'm too nice or that I can be naive and too hopeful, and besides being naive, none of those things sounded bad to me. I like being hopeful for the future and I like being nice, but life and the people I've been meeting have been making this increasingly difficult.

I don't want to harden. I don't want to be jaded. I feel like I'm pleading with the universe to be kind to me. I barter with God, if I'm good to other people, please let them be good to me. I don't think I'm easily defeated, though I'm easily hurt. I guess that's the consequence of being a soft person, you're constantly in the position of being hurt by those you love or want to believe in. Despite it all, I do not regret staying soft. I know that people are going to hurt me and they're going to try and take advantage of me because I'm willing to be open, but that does not mean they can conquer me or steal my spirit. I know being soft has a lot of negative connotations and people even use it as an insult. But just because you're soft, does not mean you are not strong. I actually think it shows incredible strength to be able to stay kind even though the world has given you infinite reason to be wicked.

Accept the hurt and the risks of being a soft person, but do not misconstrue yourself as a weak person. We need more soft-hearted people in this world. The problem is not that you are too nice, the problem is that we as a whole are so scared of facing pain that we become the kind of people who inflict it rather than accepting it as a part of life. Be a kind person, show other people that resilience is a much more admirable trait than being reactionary.

Good vibes as always,

Priya